


Let Me Drown

by deancastrash



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bellarke, F/M, Fluff, but he doesnt, clarke thinks bellamy hates her, slight pstd (through nightmares), this is after rubicon and resurection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 13:02:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3411596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deancastrash/pseuds/deancastrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When they rescue the kids from Mount Weather and are walking back to the Ark, Clarke Griffin passes out from exhaustion and smashes her head on a rock. When she wakes up from nightmares, Jasper is helping her. But Bellamy hears the screams. He comes in to see what happened and Clarke can't look at him. Not after what she did. Not after she could have killed his sister.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me Drown

Everyone in Mount Weather was dead.

Everyone except the 47, Bellamy, Maya and any kid under the age of 18.

Everyone came out of the mountain together. First, the 47 and then Bellamy and Maya helped the very scared looking kids out of the mountain. The 47 rushed to hug their friends and family as soon as they got out and then the adults who didn’t have any kids from the prisoners went and helped the younger kids.

Clarke was standing very still, just watching. Everyone but the kids had known what she had done. They would never look at her the same again. Especially Bellamy, who was at the moment hugging his sister. Whom she could have gotten killed.

Without warning, she was tackled by two people. It was Jasper and Monty. She gasped, not expecting it but smiled and hugged them back.

Once they let go, they were both smiling at her. Monty put a hand on her shoulder, “you did what you had to do. And you got us out.”

Clarke shook her head. “That was Bellamy.”

“You sent him there to help us. If you didn’t, we would have never gotten out,” Jasper said. “None of us are angry at you.”

“I got _hundreds_ of people killed with that missile. One of them could have been Octavia and Bellamy knows that. So, you might not hate me but he sure as hell does.” Clarke glanced over at Bellamy. He was talking to Octavia but then he glanced over at her and they locked eyes. Clarke quickly turned her head away from him.

“Look, Clarke, Bellamy might be mad at you,” Jasper replied, “but he doesn’t hate you. We’ve all done things we regret.”

Clarke just nodded. She was too tired to argue with Jasper and Monty and everyone was starting to head back to Camp Jaha. Her mom and Kane was leading the way. She followed behind everyone, not wanting to be looked at.

It was an 8 hour walk back to Camp Jaha and Clarke hadn’t slept in days. When they were half way there, Clarke collapsed on the ground and hit her head on a rock before she passed out.

\------------------------------

Clarke dreamt of the screams when the missile landed on Ton DC. She dreamt of their flesh sizzling off their skin as their bodies turned to ash and dust. She dreamt of Bellamy yelling at her through the radio after he found out what she had done. “ _How could you be so selfish?! Why didn’t you have them evacuate?! You could have gotten my sister killed!_ ”

Clarke woke up screaming. Someone was there, calming her down, shushing her. The screams turned to crying. Then she blinked to see who was calming her down. It was Jasper.

“Hey,” he said, “you passed out. From exhaustion, your mom said. Then you hit your head. You have a concussion. So, try not to sit up. But also don’t fall asleep again.”

“I’ll try not to,” Clarke replied, “I don’t know what’s worse. Being asleep or awake.”

“What did you dream about?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay,” Jasper nodded. Clarke knew Jasper understood, he’s had nightmares since the spear went through his chest. He was just a lot quieter about it. He was about to stand up when someone burst into the room. Clarke’s heart dropped. Bellamy.

“I heard screaming-” Bellamy was looking at Jasper, then glanced down at Clarke before returning his gaze to Jasper. “I just wanted to make sure everything was alright. Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Jasper gave a soft smile to Bellamy, “Clarke was just having a nightmare.”

“Oh, uh-um,” Bellamy’s voice caught before he cleared his throat, “um, do you need anything?”

“Actually, could you get Clarke some fresh water? She needs to stay hydrated.”

“Uh, why can’t you go get it yourself?” _Ouch._ Clarke tore her gaze away from the two boys and turned her head so she couldn’t see them at all. “Sorry, that came out wrong. I just mean, you’ve been in the tent all day. Is she not allowed to be alone?”

“She isn’t. Especially now that she’s awake. We have to make sure she doesn’t fall asleep again. Abby said that with a concussion that bad she could fall asleep and not wake up for days.”

“Oh, well, why don’t you go take a break and grab her some water? I’ll take over.”

“Are-are you sure?”

“Yeah, I need a break from everybody anyway. It’s quiet in here.”

“Okay.”

Clarke heard Jasper walk out of the tent. She then heard a chair getting pulled up next to her. She could feel Bellamy next to her. She couldn’t remember the last time he was so close to her. It made her heart pound loud in her chest.

“You can look at me, you know,” Bellamy said. Clarke shook her head, then stopped because it hurt. She couldn’t look at Bellamy. It would hurt more than her head hurt. She slightly turned her head towards Bellamy’s direction but closed her eyes so she didn’t have to look at him. Or maybe it was because she was tired. “Hey,” there was a hand on her arm. She shivered. “You can’t fall asleep.”

Clarke braced herself. Then she opened her eyes. There he was. Bellamy Blake. There was all the pain, all the people she hurt. So, like a child, she lifted her hand and covered her eyes so she didn’t have to look at him.

“Clarke,” his voice cracked when he said her name. Then, she felt his hand over her own being pulled down from her face and back down to her side. Except Bellamy didn’t let her hand go. She sucked in a breath and instead of looking at Bellamy, she looked at their hands.

“How can you even be near me?” she whispered. “I left your sister to die. She could have been dead right now.”

“Yeah and I’m still pissed at that,” he replied. Now Clarke looked at him. He didn’t look angry, he just looked tired. Like they all were. “But she isn’t dead and yeah, maybe if the circumstances were different and she did die, maybe I wouldn’t be in here right now. But I am.”

“Why?”

The grip Bellamy had on Clarke’s hand tightened. “Because I can’t lose you either.”

Jasper came in the tent before Clarke even had time to process what Bellamy had just said. He was holding two goblets of water and handed them both to Bellamy. “Thanks,” Bellamy mumbled before Jasper hastily walked out. Bellamy set his goblet on the ground before lifting Clarke’s to her lips.

“I can do it myself,” she said, trying to grab the goblet out of Bellamy’s hands.

“Oh, stop,” he sighed, pushing Clarke’s hands away. “Let someone take care of you for once in your life.”

Clarke huffed in response but she didn’t resist. When Bellamy let the water slip into her mouth, she hadn’t realized how thirsty she was. She drank the whole thing in four gulps.

Bellamy smiled. “You can have mine if you want.”

“No, that’s okay. Thank you.”

“Okay,” Bellamy said. He placed the empty goblet on the floor next to his. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“About what?”

“I don’t know. Your nightmares?”

Clarke shook her head but spoke anyway. “I’ve had them for a while. That’s why I passed out. I haven’t slept in days. They are always the same things...the missile landing in Ton DC...you yelling at me over the radio because I didn’t evacuate Ton DC and warn your sister.”

Bellamy grabbed her hand. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Clarke asked, knitting her eyebrowns in confusion.

“I...I over reacted.You did what you had to do. And I understand that now. We’ve all done what we had to do.”

“No, I think your reaction was a perfectly correct reaction. But what I did, Bellamy...there’s some things that just cross the line.”

“You saved our people.”

“And I killed grounders.”

“We’ve all killed grounders.”

Clarke shook her head a little too hard and winced in pain. “Hey,” Bellamy said, putting the hand that wasn’t holding hers on her shoulder, “stop moving your head.”

“Stop it,” Clarke said, letting go of Bellamy’s hand and then shooing the other one off her shoulder.

“Stop _what_?” Bellamy said, confused.

“Stop being so nice to me. I don’t deserve it. Especialy from you.”

“Oh, would you cut the _crap_ , Clarke?” Bellamy responded, suddenly angry. “Look, a lot of us don’t deserve a lot of things but I’ve done as much terrible shit as you. I let 300 people die because I was too selfish to let you contact the Ark. I was too busy saving my own skin. We _both_ decided to to burn 300 grounders alive. You let a missile go straight into Ton DC and knew about it but at least it wasn’t completely selfish! You did it so you could get your people out of Mount Weather. And you did. So, maybe you don’t deserve people being nice to you but if you don’t, I certainly don’t either. Maybe we just deserve each other. Hell, we’ve been through enough together.”

“Bellamy…”

He stood up. “And you know, you _terrified_ me yesterday. When you passed out and hit your head on the rock I thought you might have hit it a little too hard this time. After Ton DC, I overheard Cage celebrating that the leaders were dead. That you and Lexa were dead. I thought that was impossible because Clarke Griffin does not die. And I was right. But yesterday… I thought that was going to be some punishment for thinking that. Also for not forgiving you. But I forgive you. So, just stop being so defensive, okay? I need you. We need each other. So, let’s just put the past in the past, all right?”

Clarke was taken aback, she did not expect all that to come out of his mouth. Apparently, Bellamy didn’t either. He stared at her awkwardly before shaking his head and walking out.

A few minutes after Bellamy walked out, Octavia walked in. “Hey,” she said. She was carrying medicine. “You know, the whole you can’t sleep with a concussion thing is a myth, right? Indra told me.”

“I was not told that,” Clarke replied. “Concussions didn’t happen often in the Ark.”

Octavia smiled. She opened the bottle of medicine and took out a pill, handing it to Clarke. Then she picked up Bellamy’s goblet off the floor. “Abby said it will help with the pain. You should try to sleep. That might help with the pain too.”

“Okay.” Clarke put the pill on her tongue then swallowed it down with the water. She handed the goblet to Octavia. “Thanks, Octavia. I’ll try to get some sleep. You should to.”

“I will,” Octavia smiled at Clarke before walking out the tent.

Clarke sighed and closed her eyes, taking Octavia’s advice.

\----------------------------

_“Let’s go take a walk in the woods,” Bellamy smiled at Clarke, taking her hand. Clarke laughed and obliged, following Bellamy into the woods. They walked far and aimlessley, not having to worry about grounders attacking them anymore or the Mountain Men. The woods smelled fresh and green. Clarke always loved the smell of the woods._

_“Where are we going?” Clarke asked, smiling up at Bellamy._

_“It’s a suprise,” Bellamy smiled back at her. They continued walking and enjoying each other’s company when Clarke started smelling fresh water. But something was wrong, something didn’t feel right._

_Bellamy pulled her towards a river with a beautiful waterfall. Clarke knew where they were, considering her and Finn had been here plenty of times._

_“This isn’t much of a surprise, you know,” Clarke laughed. “I’ve been to this river before.”_

_“Oh well,” Bellamy shrugged. “We should still go in.”_

_“I don’t know, Bellamy…”_

_Bellamy gave her an evil grin and started stepping towards her._

_“Bellamy, no!”_

_Before Clarke could run, Bellamy grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder. Then, both of them plunged into the water._

_“This will be so much fun,” Bellamy whispered in Clarke’s ear after they resurfaced. Then, he put both hands on her shoulders and pushed her down into the water._

_Clarke was drowning and it was by Bellamy’s hands. She squirmed beneath him, trying to get out of his grasp but he wasn’t budging. Clarke was running out of oxygen. Suddenly, Bellamy dipped under the water too. When he did, it wasn’t Bellamy anymore. It was Cage Wallace. His mouth was moving, trying to say something. It looked like he was saying, “wake up, Clarke! Wake up!”_

“ _Clarke_! Wake up!” Someone was gently shaking her shoulder. Clarke blinked her eyes open and saw Bellamy frantically standing over her. She screamed, hitting his hands away from her. Bellamy looked hurt but he took a step back. “What’s wrong?”

Clarke shook her head, which had felt a lot better. She sat up and brought her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and then resting her head on her knees.

“Hey,” Bellamy whispered, putting her hand on her shoulder. She flinched. “I’m not going to hurt you. It was just a dream.”

Clarke took a deep breath, then looked up at Bellamy. Bellamy wasn’t the one who tried to kill her, it was Cage. And he was dead. She nodded and leaned into Bellamy. He relaxed.

“Your mom said you could go back to your own tent if you were up to it,” Bellamy told her.

“Okay,” Clarke nodded, “but I don’t...I don’t want to be alone. Could you stay there with me for a little while?”

Bellamy gave her a soft smile. “Anything you want, princess.”

Clarke unwrapped her arms from her knees and got off the infirmary bed. Bellamy and Clarke walked to Clarke’s tent, Clarke stopped to say hello to a few people before they got to her tent. When they did, they both sat down on the makeshift bed.

“About what I said earlier…” Bellamy began, but Clarke cut him off.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Clarke said, not wanting to make things more awkward then they already were.

“I want to talk about it,” Bellamy replied. “Look, I just wanted to say I wasn’t lying. I do need you. And you need me. Let’s face it, when we’re apart, we make terrible descisions and don’t think straight. You’re my co-leader and co-leaders rely on each other.”

“You’re right,” Clarke said, looking at Bellamy. “We’ve always needed eachother.”

“I’m not finished,” Bellamy took a deep breath. Then, he started looking at Clarke with a gaze so intense it could have torn through her soul. That terrified her. “I know what happened with Finn wasn’t that long ago and you’re probably not ready to hear this but I think I’ve waited long enough. But you’re not just a co-leader to me, Clarke. I’ve been in love with you since that day in the woods with Atom.”

Clarke’s stomach twisted and her heart clenched. _Bellamy is in love with her._ She didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t realized she was in love with Bellamy till that day she woke up in the med-bay and saw Bellamy come through the gates after thinking he was dead. But she couldn’t do anything about it. Because she loved Finn. At least she thought she did. But _never_ did she think Bellamy was in love with her.

“Say something,” he pleaded. But she was at a loss for words. So, instead she threw her arms around his neck and started crying. It was too much to handle in one day. Bellamy had put his arms around her and let her cry into his shoulder.

Once she calmed down, she untangled herself from Bellamy and wiped her eyes. “Sorry,” she mumbled.

“It’s okay,” he looked at her cautiously, not knowing what the crying meant. “But could you tell me why you were just crying?”

“ _Jeez_ ,” Clarke smiled, “can’t a girl get emotional?”

“Yes,” Bellamy replied, “but could you tell me _why_ you were getting emotional?”

Clarke didn’t reply. She put a hand behind Bellamy’s neck and brought his head down until his lips touched hers. They were kissing. She could feel Bellamy sigh in relief and he deepened the kiss. Clarke let all her stress and guilt slip away and all she felt was Bellamy. They kissed until they both couldn’t breathe anymore.

Bellamy was grinning. “Ah, who new, the princess fell for the brave knight.”

Clarke laughed and kissed him again, but only shortly. “It’s getting late. You should get some sleep.”

“You should get some actual sleep. Sleep with some good dreams instead of bad.”

Clarke sighed. “Yeah, I don’t see that happening.”

Bellamy took her hand. “I’ll stay with you.”

“I don’t need you to protect me from my nightmares, Bell.”

“I want to.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, but only half-heartedly. She wanted Bellamy to stay there. She needed him. “Fine.”

Clarke stood up and blew out the candle that was keeping the tent aglow. Then, she turned around and climbed into bed with Bellamy. She cuddled into his chest and he put an arm around her and kissed her forehead.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Clarke slept through the entire night without any dreams at all. It was peaceful **.**

**Author's Note:**

> yo sorry this sucked. It took me a couple days to write it and I kept on having different scenarios for different ways things could play out and it was always hard to choose. so idek if i went with the right things. BUT TELL ME IF YOU LIKED IT IN THE COMMENTS. it will be much appreciated. thanks.


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